The cow s **t drinker

A Scottish man walking through a field, sees a man drinking water from a pool with his hand.

The Scottish man shouts "Awa ye eijit, can yeh no tell that's foo o coos keich"

(Translated: Don't drink the water, it's full of cow s **t. )

The man shouts back "I'm English, Speak English, I don't understand you"

The Scottish man shouts back "Use both hands, you'll get more in."