How do you get into those pants?

This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a blonde wearing the tightest pants he's ever seen.
Finally his curiosity gets the best of him, so he walks over and asks,
"How do you get into those pants?"
The young woman looks him over and replies, "Well, you could start by buying me a drink."

What is a golf gun?

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
"How was he killed?" asked one detective.
"With a golf gun," the other detective replied.
"A golf gun? What is a golf gun?"
"I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."

I don'tlike the looks of your wife at all!

A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I don'tlike the looks of your wife at all,"
"Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.

And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week

Mr Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce Court Judge said,
"And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week"
"That's very fair, your honour," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."

Dad, where did all of my Intelligence come from?

A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my Intelligence come from?"
The father replied. "Well son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine"

I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values.
Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?"
Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?"

Has anybody seen MY Cock?

The Mullah in a small village loved the rooster and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the mosque.
One friday morning, before Juma prayers,he went to feed the birds and discovered that the cock was missing.

He knew about cock fights in the village, so he questioned the people in the village.

After the prayers , he asked ,'Has anybody got a cock?'

All the men stood up.

'No, no,'he said,'that wasn't what I meant.Has anybody seen a cock?'

All the women stood up.

'No, no,'he said, 'that wasn't what I meant.Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?'

Half the women stood up.

'No, no,'he said,'that wasn't what I meant.Has anybody seen MY
Cock?'
Sixteen boys, two young madrassa boys and the guard of the mosque stood up.

The Mullah fainted.