A Somalian arrives in Australia as a new immigrant. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says........ 'Thank you Mr. Australian for letting me in this country, giving me housing, money for food, free medical care, free education and no taxes!' The passer by says, 'You are mistaken, I am Afgani!' The man goes on and encounters another passer by. 'Thank you for having such beautiful country here in Australia!' The person says, 'I not Australian, I Iraqi!' The new arrival walks further and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says, 'Thank you for the wonderful Australia! 'That person puts up his hand and says, 'I am from Pakistan, I am not from Australia!' He finally sees a nice lady and asks, 'Are you an Australian?' She says, 'No, I am from India!' Puzzled, he asks her, 'Where are all the Australians?' The Indian lady checks her watch and says .. . 'Probably at work'.
A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It's after midnight. While en-route home he asks the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspects his wife is having an affair, and he wants to catch her in the act. For $100, the cab driver agrees. Quietly arriving home, the husband and the cab driver tip-toe into the bedroom. The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket back, and there is his wife in bed with another man! The husband puts a gun to the man's head. The wife shouts, "Don't do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money. HE paid for the Mecedes I gave you. HE paid for our new cabin cruiser. HE paid for your football season tickets. HE paid for our house on the Costa del Sol HE paid for our golf club membership, and HE even pays the monthly dues!" Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun. He looks over at the cab driver and says "What would you do?" The cab driver replies, "I'd cover him quickly with that blanket before he catches cold!!"