There was a virgin that was going out on a date for the first time and she told her grandmother about it. Her grandmother says, "Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys. "He is going to try to kiss you; you are going to like that, but don't let him do that." She continued, "He is going to try to feel your Assets; you are going to like that, but don't let him do that. He is going to try to put his hand somewhere inappropriate; you are going to like that, but don't let him do that. Then the grandmother said, "But, most importantly, he is going to try to get on top of you and have his way with you. You are going to like that, but don't let him do that. It will disgrace the family." With that bit of advice in mind, the granddaughter went on her date and could not wait to tell her grandmother about it. The next day she told her grandmother that her date went just as the old lady said. She said, "Grandmother, I didn't let him disgrace the family. When he tried, I turned him over, got on top of him and disgraced his family."
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need. P.G. Wodehouse
I have got this really hot neighbor. She's single...She lives right across the street. I can see her house from my living room. I watched as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street and up my driveway. She knocked on my door ... I rushed to open it. She looks at me, and says, "I just got home, and I am in a really naughty mood! I have this strong urge to have a good time, get drunk, and make love all night long! Are you busy tonight?" I immediately replied, "Nope, I'm free... I have no plans at all!" Then she said, "Good! In that case, could you watch my dog?"