Doctor, doctor my sister here keeps thinking she’s invisible.
What sister?
Showing posts with label doctor jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label doctor jokes. Show all posts
A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling.
"I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery," he answered.
"What did he say," asked the nurse.
"OOPS!"
A man walks into the dentist’s office and after the dentist examines him, he says, “That tooth has to come out. I’m going to give you a shot of Novocain and I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
The man grabs the doc’s arm, “No way. I hate needles I’m not having any shot!”
So the dentist says, “Okay, we’ll have to go with the gas.”
The man replies, “Absolutely not. It makes me very sick for a couple of days. I’m not having gas.”
So the dentist steps out and comes back with a glass of water, “here,” he says. “Take this pill.”
The man asks “What is it?”
The doc replies, “Viagra.”
The man looks surprised, “will that kill the pain?” he asks.
“No,” replies the dentist, “but it will give you something to hang on to while I pull your tooth.”
One day a pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $600.
The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a doctor!."
The plumber quietly answered, "Neither did I when I was a doctor."
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criteria was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
Number of physicians in the US: 700,000.
Accidental deaths caused by physicians per year: 120,000.
Accidental deaths per physician... 0.171 (U.S. Dept. of Health & Human Services)
Number of gun owners in the US: 80,000,000.
Number of accidental gun deaths per year (all age groups) 1,500.
Accidental deaths per gun owner: 0.0000188
Statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.
"FACT: Not everyone has a gun, but everyone has at least one Doctor."
Please alert your friends to this alarming threat. We must ban doctors before this gets out of hand.
As a Public Health Measure I have withheld the statistics on Lawyers for fear that the shock could cause people to seek medical aid.
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