Ed Zachary disease!

After no dates or sex for five years a woman goes to see Chinese expert sex therapist Dr Chang.

He says "harro! take off all your croase, get down & craw reery reery fast to otherside room"

She does.

"Ok craw reery reery fast back."

As she did Dr Chang shook his head. "Yourr probrem vewy vewy bad, worse case Ed Zachary disease I ever sore, dat why you get no man"

She says "god, what the hell is Ed Zachary disease?"

Doc replies "It's when your face looks Ed Zachery like your ass."

Women say, "All men want is sex." That's not true, ladies. We also want blow jobs and sandwiches.

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," said Jack as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbours would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"

"Probably that I married you for your money."

A man caught his wife in bed with his best friend.

In anger, he took his gun shot his friend dead.

His wife screamed "If you continue like this, you will lose all your friends.”

Definitions of Designations:-

Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.

Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.

Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.

Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.

Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.

Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.

Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with a delivered baby.

Tester is a person who always tells that this is not the Right baby.

HR Manager is a person who thinks that... a Donkey can deliver a Human Baby - if given 9 Months !!!

Sex is like a pack of chips, once you start you can’t stop.

Virginity is like a balloon, one prick and it’s gone forever.

Exam paper is like a dick, when it gets hard people get fucked.

Fate is like getting raped, if you can’t fight, learn to enjoy it.

Work is like a group sex, 10 people are behind your ass to take your place.

Education is like hiring a prostitute; it needs both your money and your hard work.

Success is like masturbating, only your own hand can let you achieve it.

Can he rape with this tiny tot?

An 8 year old boy is accused of rape.

In court his lady lawyer holds his tiny tot out as evidence saying, "Your honour see this, can he rape with this tiny tot?

The boy whispers, "Don't shake it please, we'll lose the case.”

"Did you see what your monkey just did?"

A guy walks into a bar with a monkey. The monkey grabbed some olives off the bar and ate them.
Then he grabbed some sliced limes and ate them.
He then jumped onto the pool table and grabbed one of the balls.
To everyone's amazement, he stuck it in his mouth and somehow swallowed it whole.

The bartender looked at the guy and said, "Did you see what your Monkey just did?"
"No, what?"
"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table...whole!"

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats everything in sight, don't worry, I'll pay for the cue ball."
The guy finished his drink, paid his bill, paid for the stuff the Monkey ate and left.

Two weeks later the guy came back, and had his monkey with him. He ordered a drink and the monkey started running around the bar. The Monkey found a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabbed it, stuck it up his butt, pulled it out, and then ate it.

Then the monkey found a peanut, and again stuck it up his butt, pulled it out, and ate it. The bartender asked, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
"No, what?" replied the man.
"Well, he stuck both a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his butt, pulled them out, and ate them!"

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy.
"He will eat anything, but ever since he had to shit out that cue ball, he measures everything first."