The following list of phrases and their definitions might help you understand the mysterious language of science and medicine. These special phrases are also applicable to anyone working on a Ph.D. dissertation or academic paper anywhere! "It has long been known" = I didn't look up the original reference. "A definite trend is evident" = These data are practically meaningless. "While it has not been possible to provide definite answers to the questions" = An unsuccessful experiment, but I still hope to get it published. "Three of the samples were chosen for detailed study" = The other results didn't make any sense. "Typical results are shown" = This is the prettiest graph. "These results will be in a subsequent report" = I might get around to this sometime, if pushed/funded. "In my experience" = once. "In case after case" = twice. "In a series of cases" = thrice. "It is believed that" = I think. "It is generally believed that" = A couple of others think so, too. "Correct within an order of magnitude" = Wrong. "According to statistical analysis" = Rumor has it. "A statistically oriented projection of the significance of these findings" = A wild guess. "A careful analysis of obtainable data" = Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a glass of pop. "It is clear that much additional work will be required before a complete understanding of this phenomenon occurs"= I don't understand it. "After additional study by my colleagues"= They don't understand it either. "Thanks are due to Joe Blotz for assistance with the experiment and to Cindy Adams for valuable discussions" = Mr. Blotz did the work and Ms. Adams explained to me what it meant. "A highly significant area for exploratory study" = A totally useless topic selected by my committee. "It is hoped that this study will stimulate further investigation in this field" = I quit.
Results of a recent research show that there are 7 kinds of sex. The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone, and you both have sex until you are blue in the face. The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a short time, and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen. The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine, and you usually have sex only in your bedroom. The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say "screw you." The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex. Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night.. (Very Popular) The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex. This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone. And, last, but not least: The 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex. You get a little each month. But not enough to enjoy yourself.
