May we see the new baby?

 

With all the new technology regarding fertility, a 65 year-old woman was able to give birth to a baby recently. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit.

"May we see the new baby?" one asked.

"Not yet," said the mother. "I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first."

Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked, "May we see the new baby now?"

"No, not yet," said the mother.

After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked again, "May we see the baby now?"

"No, not yet," replied the mother.

Growing very impatient, they asked, "Well, when CAN we see the baby?"

"WHEN IT CRIES!" she told them.

"WHEN IT CRIES??" they demanded. "Why do we have to wait until it CRIES??"

"BECAUSE........... I forgot where I put it!!!"

One for me, one for you

 

Two little boys stole a bag of mangoes from their neighbor and decided to go to a calm place to share the loot.
 
One of them suggested the nearby cemetery. As they were jumping the big gate to enter the cemetery, 2 mangoes fell out of the bag behind the gate but they didn't bother to pick them since they had enough in the bag.
 
Few minuets latter a drunkard on his way from a local bar passes near the cemetery gate and heard a voice: "One for me, one for you."One for me, one for you."
 
He immediately sobers up and runs as fast as he can to the local priest.
 
"Father father please come with me, come and witness God & Satan sharing corpse at the cemetery."
 
They both ran back to the cemetery gate and the voice continued: "One for me, one for you, one for me, one for you, one for me, one for you...
 
Suddenly the voice stop counting and says: "Hey, What about the two at the gate?"
 
The priest and the drunkard took to their heels shouting, "We are not dead yet... we are not dead yet... we are not dead yet..."