When Bush said Abracadabra!

"Joint Chiefs of Staff [Chair] Peter Pace is leaving his job. He's the one who announced that all homosexual acts are immoral, and so is adultery. No wonder he left. He attacked all the members of Congress." --Jay Leno

"Paris Hilton is behind bars, but still no word on Osama." --David Letterman

"By a vote of 93-5, the Louisiana state House has voted to make it illegal for teachers to have sex with their students. Here's my question: Who are the five people who voted for it?" --Jay Leno

"Yesterday at the G8 Summit, Russian President Vladimir Putin offered to let President Bush build a missile defense system in Azerbaijan. There was an awkward moment when Bush said, 'I believe the correct pronunciation is Abracadabra.'" --Conan O'Brien

"There seems to be tension between President Bush and Russian President Vladimir Putin. Again, President Bush thinks this is good. He thinks a new Cold War could help end global warming." --Jay Leno

"There's a new rumor that Senator Hillary Clinton recently had some plastic surgery done. Friends of Hillary deny the rumor and say, 'Believe it or not, that's her natural forced smile.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Undaunted by the protesters, the leaders focused on finding consensus over global warming. And by 'consensus,' we mean getting Bush to agree with the other seven." --Jon Stewart, on the G8 Summit