Symptoms of a bad day

… your twin sister forgets your birthday.

… you wake up face down on the pavement.

… you put your bra on backwards and it fits better.

… you call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.

… you see a “60 Minutes news team” waiting in your outer office.

… your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.

… your only son tells you he wishes Anita Bryant would mind her own business.

… you want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party, and there aren’t any.

… you turn on the TV news and they’re displaying emergency routes out of your city.

… the woman you’ve been seeing on the side begins to look like your wife.