Indications of a bad day

YOU KNOW IT'S GOING TO BE A BAD DAY WHEN...

* You call suicide prevention and they put you on hold. YOU KNOW IT'S GOING TO BE A REALLY BAD DAY WHEN... The hold music is Van Halen's "Jump."

* You wake up from a hard nights drinking to discover that your water bed broke...then realize you don't have a water bed

* On a seaside stroll you notice the sign reading "QUICKSAND" is getting taller