A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.
He asks, "What are you doing?"
She answers, "I'm moving to London. I have heard that prostitutes there get paid £400 for doing what I do for free."
Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
When she asks him where he is going, he replies, "I'm coming too. I want to see you live on £800 a year"
Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm while his wife is lying in bed reading.
Man says: "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got headache."
Wife replies: "I think you'll find that, that is a sheep."
Man replies: "I think you'll find that, I was talking to the sheep."
A man comes home drunk, covered in lipstick and smelling of perfume, then slaps his wife on the backside and says "You are next, fatty".
Gary was traveling down a quiet country road when he noticed a large group of people standing around outside a house.
He stopped and asked a farmer why such a large crowd was gathered.
The farmer replied," Billy Bob's mule kicked his mother-in-law and she died."
"I see," Gary said. "Well, she must have had a lot of friends."
"Naw," the farmer said, "we just all want to buy his mule."
A football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play."
The player agreed, and the coach looked into his eyes intently and asks, "OK, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this. What is two plus two?"
The player thought for a moment and then he answered, "4?"
"Did you say 4?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right.
At that, all the other players on the team began screaming, "Come on coach, give him another chance!"
Q: How many kids with ADD does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Th...
Q: Wanna ride bikes?!!!
An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night. A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most. “When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!”
They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours. He was feared and enjoyed the respect it garnished.
He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow. The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme while her neighbors approached in a group to ask these questions: "Are you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? that this man who practiced black magic and stated when he died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?"
The wife put down her drink and said…”let the old bastard dig. I had him buried upside down.”
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