How many members of the Bush administration does it take to change a light bulb?
1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed;
2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed;
3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb;
4. One to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of light bulbs;
5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the new light bulb;
6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner: Light Bulb Change Accomplished;
7. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in detail how Bush was literally in the dark;
8. One to viciously smear #7;
9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light-bulb-changing policy all along;
10. And finally one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country.
"The Pentagon said this week the war in Iraq cost $20 billion so far. The breakdown is: operations, $10 billion; personnel, $6 billion; getting Bush re-elected — priceless." —Bill Maher
St. Peter is guarding the pearly white gates up in Heaven. 3 guys walk up.
The first guy walks up to St. Peter. St. Peter says, "Hello, and who might you be?" The guy says, "I'm Monet." And St. Peter says, "Well, to let you in to Heaven, I have to be sure that you are who you say you are. Show me some proof." So Monet shows up any one of his famous, beautiful paintings, and, convinced, St. Peter says, "Oh, Mr. Monet! Come right in."
The second guy walks up. St. Peter says, "Hello, and who might you be?" The guy says, "I'm Beethoven." And St. Peter says, "Well, to let you in to Heaven, I have to be sure that you are who you say you are. Show me some proof." So right there Beethoven plays one of his symphonies on the piano, and, convinced, St. Peter says, "Oh, Mr. Beethoven! Come right in."
Finally, the third guy walks up. St. Peter says, "Hello, and who might you be?" The guy says, "I'm President Bush." And St. Peter says, "Well, to let you in to Heaven, I have to be sure that you are who you say you are. Show me some proof. You know, like, Monet showed me a painting, Beethoven played a symphony. ..."
And Bush says, "Monet? Beethoven? Who are they?!" And St. Peter says, "Oh, President Bush! Come right in."
Well, at least you can't accuse W of having his head up his arse, there is already something occupying that ...orifice...
