Dead woman’s credit

A lady died this past January, and ICICI Bank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been Rs.0.00 when she died, but now somewhere around Rs.6000.00. A family member placed a call to ICICI Bank.
 
Here is the exchange :
 
Family Member: 'I am calling to tell you she died back in January.'
 
ICICI Bank: 'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'
 
Family Member: 'Maybe, you should turn it over to collections. '
 
ICICI Bank: 'Since it is two months past due, it already has been.'
 
Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'
 
ICICI Bank: 'Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!'
 
Family Member: 'Do you think God will be mad at her?'
 
ICICI Bank: 'Excuse me?'
 
Family Member: 'Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?'
 
ICICI Bank: 'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.'
 

Supervisor gets on the phone:
 
Family Member: 'I'm calling to tell you, she died back in January with a Rs.0 balance.'
 
ICICI Bank: 'The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.'
 
Family Member: 'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'
 
ICICI Bank: (Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?'
 
Family Member: 'No, I'm her great nephew.' (Lawyer info was given)
 
ICICI Bank: 'Could you fax us a certificate of death?'
 
Family Member: 'Sure.' (Fax number was given )
 
After they got the fax :
 
ICICI Bank: 'Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help.'
 
Family Member: 'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. She won't care.'
 
ICICI Bank: 'Well, the late fees and charges will still apply.'
 
(What is wrong with these people?!?)
 
Family Member: 'Would you like her new billing address?'
 
ICICI Bank: 'That might help...'
 
Family Member: Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Avinashi, Coimbatore
 
ICICI Bank: 'Sir, that's a cemetery!'
 
Family Member: 'And what do you do with dead people on your planet???'

Stand aside my dear friend

A guy, sitting outside his home about to be evicted from his house, was contemplating how the future would be after he had divorced his wife, lost his children and lost his job...
 
He notices a crate of beer bottles and walks up to it.
 
He takes out an empty bottle, smashing it into the concrete wall swearing, "You are the reason I don't have a wife," second bottle, "You are the reason I don't have my children", third bottle "You are the reason I lost my job."
 
He notices the fourth bottle is sealed and still full of beer. He takes the bottle, puts it aside and says, "Stand aside my dear friend; I know you were not involved."

A machine that catches thieves

Israelis invented a machine that catches thieves;
they took it out to different countries for a test.
 
In U.S.A, in 30 minutes, it caught 30 thieves;
 
In UK, in 30 minutes it caught 50 thieves;
 
In Spain, in 30 minutes it caught 65 thieves;
 
In Ghana, in 30 minutes it caught 600 thieves;
 
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In India, in 15 minutes the machine was stolen !!!!!!!!!
(with Government connivance.)

An absent-minded professor

An absent-minded professor was moving to a new house further along the same street. His wife knew that he was prone to forgetting things and so she wrote down the new address on a piece of paper he went off to college. She handed him the paper and the key to the new house and reminded him not to go back the old address.
 
That morning, one of his student asked him a complex question and the professor wrote the answer down on the back of the slip of paper. This student asked whether he could keep the paper.
 
Forgetting what was on the other side, the professor said, "Certainly."
 
In the evening, he returned out of habit to the old house, tried the key and could not get in. Realizing his mistake, he search in his pockets for the slip of paper with the new address, but off course there was no sign of it. So he wandered along the street and the stop the first personable-looking lad whom he saw.
 
"Excuse me, I'm professor Galbraith. You would not happen to know where I live, would you?"
 
"Sure, dad," said the boy.

'CZWXNQSTACZ'

A Russian visiting India goes for an eye check up

The Eye Doctor shows the letters 'CZWXNQSTACZ' to the Russian.

Doctor:-Can you read this?

Russian:- Read? I even know the guy!

The Yellow problem

I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't solve.
 
She could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow. For instance, green is a combination of cyan and yellow, but green printed fine.
 
Every color of the rainbow printed fine except for yellow. I had the customer change ink cartridges. I had the customer delete and reinstall the drivers. Nothing worked. I asked my co-workers for help; they offered no new ideas.
 
After over two hours of troubleshooting, I was about to tell the customer to send the printer in to us for repair when she asked quietly, "Should I try printing on a piece of white paper instead of this "yellow" construction paper?"

When did it happen?

A man died and went up to heaven where he was greeted by St. Peter.
 
"And who are you?" asked St. Peter.
 
"My name is Steven Richards."
 
"And what did you do for a living?" asked St. Peter.
 
"I was unemployed."
 
"Unemployed, hmmm?" mused St. Peter. "And have you ever done anything good in your life?"
 
"As a matter of fact I have. I was walking along the street once and I saw a group of bikers who were threatening to beat up a defenceless girl. So I rushed to her rescue, pulled the ringleader off his hair, kicked him hard where it hurts and told him and his gang to clear off."
 
"That's highly commendable," said St. Peter flicking through the man's file, "but I can't see any report of this incident. When did it happen?"
 
"About five minutes ago."