A blonde calls her boyfriend and says: "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."
Her boyfriend asks: "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The blonde says: "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says:
"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."
He takes her hand and says: "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then .." he said with a deep sigh,........... . "Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."
A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge Heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.
Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.
At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said, 'I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral........I'm a gynecologist.'
The proctologist fainted.
Dear friends! I have compiled a book called "A little book of laughs". This book contains 100 laughs (a few funny pics and more than 90 jokes). This book contains mostly new jokes (by new I mean not present on this blog; although a few may be duplicate).
I work very hard to bring some laughter to your lives. You must have observed a request for donation on this blog. Its been up for some time now; but, regrettably, so far not a single cent has been donated. I am jobless at present. I need some help in the form of donations. To motivate readers into donating I came up with this book.
How can you get this book? Just donate anything you feel like donating and send me an email stating that you have made a donation (amount does not matter) and I will send you the book as an attachment.
I would have liked to give the book away as a free gift to the readers of this blog but as I have stated above, I do need a little financial assistance from you. So I have left it unto you to decide its worth.
Its a simple joke book; nothing fanciful. I am sure you are more interested in the jokes than in the layout of the book. By the way anyone who would like to volunteer to make it a little bit more attractive can get it for free.
Hope you like it! Accept my thanks for your cooperation!
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings currently on display.
"I've got good news and bad news," the owner replied.
"Give me the good news first," the artist demanded.
"The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."
"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed, "What could possibly be the bad news?"
With concern, the gallery owner replied, "The guy was your doctor."
A salesman walking along the beach found a bottle. When he rubbed it, lo and behold, a genie appeared.
“I will grant you three wishes,” announced the genie. “But since Satan still hates me, for every wish you make, your rival gets the wish as well — only double.”
The salesman thought about this for a while. “For my first wish, I would like ten million dollars,” he announced.
Instantly the genie gave him a Swiss bank account number and assured the man that $10,000,000 had been deposited. “But your rival has just received $20,000,000,” the genie said.
“I’ve always wanted a Ferrari,” the salesman said.
Instantly a Ferrari appeared. “But your rival has just received two Ferrari's,” the genie said. “And what is your last wish?”
“Well,” said the salesman, “I’ve always wanted to donate a kidney for transplant.”
Joe, a college student, was taking a course in ornithology, the study of birds. The night before the biggest test of the semester, Joe spent all night studying. He had the textbook nearly memorized. He knew his class notes backward and forward. Joe was ready.
The morning of the test, Joe entered the auditorium and took a seat in the front row. On the table in the front was a row of ten stuffed birds. Each bird had a sack covering its body, and only the legs were showing. When class started, the professor announced that the students were to identify each bird by looking at its legs and give its common name, species, habitat, mating habits, etc.
Joe looked at each of the birds' legs. They all looked the same to him. He started to get angry. He had stayed up all night studying for this test and now he had to identify birds by their LEGS? The more he thought about the situation, the angrier he got.
Finally he reached his boiling point. He stood up, marched up to the professor's desk, crumpled up his exam paper and threw it on the desk. "What a ridiculous test!" he told the prof. "How could anyone tell the difference between these birds by looking at their legs? This exam is the biggest rip-off I've ever seen!"
With that, Joe turned and stormed toward the exit. The professor was a bit shocked, and it took him a moment to regain his composure. Then, just as Joe was about to walk out the door, the prof shouted out, "Wait a minute, young man, what's your name?"
Joe turned around, pulled up his pant legs and hollered, "You tell me, prof! You tell me!"
