A woman goes to visit a fortune teller. In a
dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal
ball, the mystic delivered grave news.
"There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be
blunt – prepare yourself to be a widow. Your
husband will die a violent and horrible death
this year."
Visibly shaken, the woman stares at the fortune
teller's lined face, then at the single flickering
candle, then down at her hands.
She took a few deep breaths to compose herself.
She simply had to know. She met the fortune-
teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her
question:
"Will I be found guilty?"
This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a blonde wearing the tightest pants he's ever seen.
Finally his curiosity gets the best of him, so he walks over and asks,
"How do you get into those pants?"
The young woman looks him over and replies, "Well, you could start by buying me a drink."
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
"How was he killed?" asked one detective.
"With a golf gun," the other detective replied.
"A golf gun? What is a golf gun?"
"I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."
A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I don'tlike the looks of your wife at all,"
"Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.
Mr Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce Court Judge said,
"And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week"
"That's very fair, your honour," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."
A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my Intelligence come from?"
The father replied. "Well son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine"
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values.
Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?"
Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?"
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